Question:
Assalmualikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu . Is it permissible to cut ties with my biological father. I had a very horrible upbringing. He didn’t financially take care of us, neither fulfilled his obligations etc. He was abusive and violent. My mother divorced him and she had to struggle and fight to upbring me .
(Details omitted)
I honestly don’t really want to keep ties with him, is it valid ?? Please advise . Jazakallah khair.
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
We are sorry to hear the difficulties you are facing. We sympathize and ask Allah Ta’ala to grant ease and success in this world and the Aakhirah.
It must be remembered that difficult and challenging situations are inevitably experienced by everyone at some point in life. These conditions are tests from Allah Ta’ala in order to elevate their status and increase their blessings. It is however of utmost importance that when we face these difficulties, we turn to Allah Ta’ala and increase in Ibadah and closeness to Him, and abstain from anything that will bring His displeasure. Allah Ta’ala says in The Quran,
وَلَنَبْلُوَنَّكُمْ بِشَيْءٍ مِّنَ الْخَوفْ وَالْجُوعِ وَنَقْصٍ مِّنَ الأَمَوَالِ وَالأنفُسِ وَالثَّمَرَاتِ وَبَشِّرِ الصَّابِرِينَ
We will certainly test you with something of fear and hunger, and loss of wealth and lives and fruits (earnings); but give glad tidings to the persevering and patient (2.155)
Our advice is you approach a respected Mahram member of your family e.g. grandfather or uncle/aunt and discuss your concerns with that person with the hope that he/she will diplomatically address the issue with your father, and make him understand the gravity of the situation.
If this fails, then one may abstain from contacting the father, and keeping contact to the minimal, due to the mentioned problems and discomfort.
Implore Allah Ta’ala in duas to soften the heart of your father and guide him.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best.
Mufti Arshad Ali
Darul Iftaa, Jaamia Madinatul Uloom (Trinidad)