Question
How long should you talk with a person to determine compatibility for marriage?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Compatibility (equalness and likeness) between the spouses is an important ingredient that brings success, happiness, and prosperity to a marriage. However, there are more important aspects that one should give preference to when choosing a spouse (please refer to the slides for sessions #2 & #3).
Compatibility refers to external factors, such as a person’s lineage, financial status, cultural background etc. which is an important factor but not the decisive factor when choosing a spouse.
It is incorrect, to assume that a person needs to speak to his/her future spouse for a certain period of time to determine compatibility. This clearly goes against the Prophetic method of choosing a spouse. Allowance is given for a person to see the person he/she is intending to marry. Correspondence is allowed, when necessary, (however, when doing so, the laws of Shari’ah must be observed at both parties are total strangers to each other), in matters which are of vital importance to the marriage.
Therefore, speaking beyond what is necessary is not allowed. You can seek assistance from your family and friends to investigate the character and religiousness of the person you are interested in.
In every marriage, there’s some level of risk as it is impossible for you to truly find out what your future spouse is like until after you get married.
Follow the Prophetic guidelines in choosing a spouse and do Istikhara. Allah will place love and barakah in the marriage.
And Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
Mufti Kaleem Muhammad
Darul Iftaa, Jaamia Madinatul Uloom
Marabella Trinidad
