Question:
I am trying to raise my children (10 and 6) to the best of my abilities, trying to impart to them the deeni aspect of everything. In doing so, I sometimes overdo things. For example, if I ask my child if he had read his duas before sleeping the previous night and if he takes a minute to think and answers yes, I would as him if he is sure .. I just want to make sure he is not lying. My husband sometimes intervenes and tells me not to deter his confidence by doing so. I agree with him, but he does this right in front of the children and I am of the opinion that, if he thinks there is a problem with how I am dealing with a situation, then he needs to communicate it privacy.
Doing so infront of the children would lower my respect in their hearts but he strongly disagrees and says that it is normal and no such thing will happen… please let us know whose point of view is right.
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Your determination and effort to raise your children upon the teachings of Islam and a deeni environment is indeed commendable. May Allah Ta’ala keep you and your family steadfast. Ameen.
If the parents raised their children upon righteousness and Imaan, they would be a means of benefit for them in both worlds. It is mentioned in a Hadith,
إن الرجل لترفع درجته في الجنة فيقول أنى هذا؟ فيقال باستغفار ولدك لك
“A servant will have his rank raised in Jannah and he will ask, ‘O my Lord how has this come about for me?’ He says, ‘through your offspring which were seeking forgiveness for you'” (Ibn Maajah 3660)
It is natural for couples to have occasional arguments, as every marriage presents its various challenges. Whenever such disagreements occur, what is most important is that, rather than speculating which of the spouses is correct and who is wrong, the differences must be resolved mutually.
Proper communication is imperative for any partnership to nourish. Most marital issues are resolved by discussing them properly. Even though you may be correct, approach your husband with kindness and affection. Express to him your feelings and compassionately explain the negative effects it may have on the children.
Parents should present for their children a loving and harmonious relationship among themselves. It boosts the child both mentally and emotionally and helps him form loving relationships in his own life. Differences cannot always be dismissed, but they must be done in private, away from the children..
Most essentially, always have Sabr(patience) and continually make Dua and seek Allah Ta’ala’s help.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mufti Arshad Ali
Darul Iftaa, Jaamia Madinatul Uloom (Trinidad)
