Question:
Can a wife refuse intimacy with her husband after he request? Can he take another wife if she continually refuses her on a regular basis?
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
From the outset, we wish to mention that married couples should learn to live together in harmony. Marriage is a union for life and sometimes couples allow small things to create wedges in their relationship that prevents them from living in harmony. This leads to a tumultuous relationship and it is not healthy for either spouse or children, if there are any children in the marriage.
Both husband and wife have conjugal rights over each other and the spouses should endeavour to fulfil each other’s conjugal rights within reasonable limits. So, it is not permissible for a wife to withhold intimacy from her husband without a valid excuse.
In various Ahaadith, Rasulullah ﷺ mentioned the virtues of a pious obedient wife, one that is dutiful and respectful to her husband. He ﷺ said: “The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman.”[i]
Abdullah bin Abu Awfa said “When Muadh bin Jabal came from Sham, he prostrated to the Prophet who said: ‘What is this, O Muadh?’ He said: ‘I went to Sham and saw them prostrating to their bishops and patricians and I wanted to do that for you.’ The messenger of Allah ﷺ said: ‘Do not do that. If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone other than Allah, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands. By the One in Whose Hand is the soul of Muhammad! No woman can fulfil her duty towards Allah until she fulfils her duty towards her husband. If he asks her (for intimacy) even if she is on her camel saddle, she should not refuse.‘”[ii]
He ﷺ also said “If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relation) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning.[iii]“
In another narration he ﷺ said “When a man calls his wife to fulfill his need, then let her come, even if she is at the oven.”[iv]
The Ahaadith cited above shows the importance of the wife meeting the conjugal needs of her husband. “However, if the wife is menstruating or has postnatal bleeding, she is ill, physically unable to have sex, exhausted, emotionally drained or sexual activity is detrimental to her well-being, then she no longer is obligated to comply with her husband’s demands for sex. Rather, the husband is required to show her sympathy by understanding that she may be unable to have sex. But, simply “not feeling up to it” is not a justified reason.[v]”
Unfortunately, today some women withhold intimacy from their husbands as a form of punishment. Also, while obedience to the husband is very important, a husband should be mindful of his wife’s condition as well. At times, some husbands neglect their wives conditions and demand intimacy when it is not suitable. And if their wives object, they cite some of the Ahaadith mentioned above and others.
There needs to be a balance and they should try to fulfil each other’s conjugal rights while taking other aspects of life into consideration. The couple should try to resolve their issues at home or seek counselling to identify and rectify what led to the breakdown of intimacy between them. Please contact the Darul Iftaa for counselling if need be.
Marrying a second wife in Islam is permissible but it is a serious responsibility. A man should think carefully before doing it. However, if there is no intimacy in the marriage, the man may consider the option of a second wife.
Finally, Muslims should safeguard themselves from the evils in society. Both men and women should control their gazes which is a command in the Quran. This includes staying away from pornographic material and movies with intimate scenes because they create a stronger urge to fulfil sexual desires more often.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mufti Mujahid Dan Lubrin
Darul Iftaa, Jaamia Madinatul Uloom (Trinidad)
12th Rajab 1446- 13th January, 2025
www.fatwa-tt.com /www.jaamia.net
(1467) حدثني محمد بن عبد الله بن نمير الهمداني، حدثنا عبد الله بن يزيد، حدثنا حيوة، أخبرني شرحبيل بن شريك، أنه سمع أبا عبد الرحمن الحبلي، يحدث عن عبد الله بن عمرو، أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم، قال: «الدنيا متاع، وخير متاع الدنيا المرأة الصالحة»
1853 – حدثنا أزهر بن مروان، حدثنا حماد بن زيد، عن أيوب، عن القاسم الشيباني
عن عبد الله بن أبي أوفى، قال: لما قدم معاذ من الشام سجد للنبي – صلى الله عليه وسلم -. فقال: “ما هذا يا معاذ؟ ” قال: أتيت الشام فوافقتهم يسجدون لأساقفتهم وبطارقتهم، فوددت في نفسي أن نفعل ذلك بك، فقال رسول الله – صلى الله عليه وسلم -: “فلا تفعلوا، فإني لو كنت آمرا أحدا أن يسجد لغير الله، لأمرت المرأة أن تسجد لزوجها، والذي نفس محمد بيده، لا تؤدي المرأة حق ربها حتى تؤدي حق زوجها، ولو سألها نفسها، وهي على قتب، لم تمنعه”
[iii] صحيح البخاري
3237 – حدثنا مسدد، حدثنا أبو عوانة، عن الأعمش، عن أبي حازم، عن أبي هريرة رضي الله عنه، قال: قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: «إذا دعا الرجل امرأته إلى فراشه فأبت فبات غضبان عليها لعنتها الملائكة حتى تصبح»
[iv] سنن الترمذي
1160 – حدثنا هناد، قال: حدثنا ملازم بن عمرو، قال: حدثني عبد الله بن بدر، عن قيس بن طلق، عن أبيه طلق بن علي قال: قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: إذا الرجل دعا زوجته لحاجته فلتأته، وإن كانت على التنور.
[v] Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations: pg. 15 – Muhammad Ibn Adam Al -Kawthari