Asalam aleykum wa rahamataullahi wa barakatu
I had been in a relationship with an individual for 4 years and we both want to get married but my parents won’t allow it because he’s from a different ethnicity. We want to get married and stop each other from falling into sins again. My parents said that my nikah would not be valid without their permission. And in a Hadith the prophet saw says that the nikah is not valid without the permission of the girls wali. So does that apply in every situation. Because I have no option but to either get married to whoever my parents choose or to stay unmarried in my house forever because my mom swore on Allah that she would never give me to him.
Will my nikah be valid without the permission of my family? And could I get another wali appointed for when my nikah is being done?
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
In normal circumstances a woman should seek consent of her wali (father/guardian) when choosing a spouse, before conducting the Nikaah. If however, consent was not sought then two scenarios can exist and their rulings are as follows: (a) If the girl marries someone who is not suitable/compatible (a non-equal in Shariah/Islam) then the marriage will not be contracted i.e. the marriage will not be valid. See https://fatwa-tt.com/can-a-woman-marry-without-the-knowledge-and-consent-of-her-parents-what-is-kafaah/ for details on Kafaa’ah (compatibility).
(b) If she marries an equal in Shariah/Islam the marriage will be valid.
According to the details you have mentioned, you are an adult and Shari’ah has given you an independent right to marry. If after exhausting all avenues to get your parents to corporate, you do not have to remain hostage to your parents for marriage. Tell your father in the most respectable way that you will get married by yourself, and seek a senior family member’s assistance regarding that. Then go ahead and adopt all means, under the Sunnah to get married. Obviously, there will be turbulence in the relationship with your parents which you will have to tolerate.
You should recite the following Dua:
رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا (الفرقان، الآية 74)
Our Sustainer, Grant us the coolness of our eyes from our spouses and children, and make us leaders of the pious.” (Qurān 25:74)
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mufti Arshad Ali
Darul Iftaa, Jaamia Madinatul Uloom (Trinidad)