Assalaamu ‘alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakaatuh respected Shaykh, Alhamdulillah I am for the most part a timely person who likes to stick to schedule and get a lot of things done by making the most of my time..however my husband struggles with this, and his timing is very bad. Ever since being with him, I am struggling to be on time with things, and things are always getting delayed. There are many things I must do with him, like going for shopping to buy necessities, but he will delay and we will be late by up to 2 hours.. which I have to suffer for later. He has had a direct impact on my life, and even my salaah is prayed toward the end of the prayer time now as I facilitate him and try not to hurt his feelings by being blunt and then just leaving him. I’m not getting anything done, and my husband delays me and then complains later about why I haven’t done things yet. I am really suffering, and finding it hard to keep my patience with his time problem, and I don’t know what to do. Please advise me on this Shaykh, jazaak-Allahukhair.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Respected sister in Islam,
We understand the discomfort of wasting time and delay for a person meticulous with time like yourself.
Whilst marriage is a means of our comfort, it also presents many difficult challenges. Both husband and wife must compromise on many issues in order to keep the stream of marital bliss flowing.
To be time conscious is indeed praiseworthy. It is obvious that life before marriage is different from life after marriage. The most important thing in a marriage is to consider feelings and temperaments of one’s spouse and make adjustments accordingly.
While understanding your sensitivity about time, you may overcome your discomfort by making an intention to be with your husband and tolerating him for the pleasure of Allah Ta’ala. In this you won’t be wasting any time. You are fulfilling a Fardh and a marital obligation to comfort your husband.
It is possible your husband wish to spend time with you. He enjoys your company. He is relaxed with you being around him. Thus, you being with him is an act of Ibadah and not wasting time.
However, you may approach your husband in an affectionate and loving manner and explain to him your sensitivity of time and doing things in a timely manner. It is possible he will consider your feelings and adjust accordingly. The Quran and Sunnah both emphasize the importance of time in the life of a Muslim.
Also allow for time to take its course in making such adjustments. However, be rest assured, spending time with your husband with the intention of making him happy is not wasting time.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mufti Arshad Ali.