Dear Imam I have two confusing questions but I hope that with the knowledge of Islam you Inshallah you would know the answer to them.
I had my Nikah which was arranged in one week notice period as the groom had to leave in a week’s time for studies abroad. Due to which we didn’t had the time to have a proper gathering. We invited 2 of my eldest uncles as they were witnesses too. On the other end along with the groom, only the groom’s family members were present. During the ceremony we exchanged rings. Had the nikkah paper signed with the mehar stated and agreed upon.
The next day he went abroad and forwarded me the necessary documentation for visa processing which I followed and within 4 months period I had the visa (which was surprisingly quick). Now here the question of rukhsati aroused. The groom already mentioned that it was difficult to get leave from the university so he wasn’t able reach for any rukhsati function if arranged.
Q-So knowing the fact that the groom is not coming how the process of rukhsati should be preceeded and handled Islamically?
My parents went to the groom’s place to decide upon the situation. My mother told my mother in law to pick me up from my home while also providing some or not all of the amount of mehar. As my parents were not feeling comfortable with the fact that I would be picked and dropped to the airport without any mehar. The actual intent of my parents were to show that the grooms family respect the inclusion of new family member ‘ME’. To them it was like as if my parents were greedy of wealth. They had harsh exchange of words. Due to the intensity of the situation I decided that I will leave for the airport and that my family will drop me off as the grooms family had no intention of picking me up. No one from the groom family see me off the airport. It was like my parents were handing me over to my husband.
So all in all I didn’t had any walima. My husband says they will arrange it as soon as he finishes studies and go back.Q-Is walima applicable after 2 years in my situation?
Kindly let me know about your point of view about the whole situation. Am I in Islamic point of view had a proper rukhsati and whether there were some injustice committed by the groom side or even my parents side or by me or my husband?
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Respected sister in Islam,
The situation in reference is unfortunate.
Our advice is if you are living happily with your husband and he is sensitive to your needs, that is most important.
The purpose of the Walima is to express happiness upon the union of the spouses.
Furthermore, Walima is a Sunnah of Rasulullah Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam. By doing it according to the Sunnah you would gain the Barakah and blessings of the Sunnah. The Walimas of Rasulullah Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam were simple and small, even while on journey.
Consider the Ahadith:
عَنْ أَنَسٍ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ قَالَ أَقَامَ النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ بَيْنَ خَيْبَرَ وَالْمَدِينَةِ ثَلَاثًا يُبْنَى عَلَيْهِ بِصَفِيَّةَ بِنْتِ حُيَيٍّ فَدَعَوْتُ الْمُسْلِمِينَ إِلَى وَلِيمَتِهِ فَمَا كَانَ فِيهَا مِنْ خُبْزٍ وَلَا لَحْمٍ أُمِرَ بِالْأَنْطَاعِ فَأَلْقَى فِيهَا مِنْ التَّمْرِ وَالْأَقِطِ وَالسَّمْنِ فَكَانَتْ وَلِيمَتَهُ (البخاري)
Anas (Radhiyallahu Anhu) states, “Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) camped at a place between Khaybar and Madinah for three days. It was here that he consummated his marriage to Safiyyah (Radhiyallahu Anha), after which I invited the Muslims present to a Walima meal that featured neither bread nor meat. Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) instructed for a leather tablecloth to be spread. He then scattered dates cheese and butter unto it. This was the Walima of Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam).)AlBukhari 5085(
عَنْ عَائِشَةَ أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ إِنَّ أَعْظَمَ النِّكَاحِ بَرَكَةً أَيْسَرُهُ مُؤْنَةً. (رواه أحمد)
It has been narrated by Ai’shah (Radhiyallahu Anha) that Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, “The most blessed wedding is that which has the least expenses”. )Ahmad 24529)
You may invite a few people at home with the intention of Walima and feed them. The blessings of this Walima will be greater and is closer to the Sunnah.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mufti Arshad Ali